July 4th was my mom’s favorite holiday. She and I always loved fireworks. I remember thinking last Friday that I didn’t know what to do about this coming July 4th – should I spend it in the hospital with her, watching fireworks on tv, since she wasn’t allowed to come home yet, or should I spend it with my kids and my husband.
Mom made the decision for me.
Last Friday, before I left the hospital with Mom still chatting with her longtime friend, Jackie, I “saw” four guardian angels standing behind Mom, with several more in the room – I knew they all belonged to her. I drove home thinking she would survive this.
I had told my son when his grandmother was diagnosed, less than 2 weeks earlier, that she would survive this round. I knew she would. I also knew, but didn’t tell him, that she wouldn’t survive the next one. I thought we had more time.
Mom had leukemia, but with no platelets. We (family and doctors) think that when she had breast cancer 15 years ago and radiation, she grew immune to other people’s blood products. She couldn’t keep platelets in her body. Leukemia is cancer in the blood. The bad white blood cells crowd out the good white blood cells. It is almost impossible to fight without platelets.
My father and I were afraid she would bleed internally with nothing to stop it.
I spoke to my mother before going to bed on Friday. I almost went back over to the hospital that night. She told me what a wonderful visit she had with her friend. And how something must be wrong with the blood pressure machine, as it was saying her blood pressure was through the roof, and it must be wrong, there must be something wrong with the machine.
My father told me he almost went back to the hospital Friday night as well, but he didn’t want to scare Mom if everything was okay.
At 5 am or so on Saturday morning, Mom suffered a massive stroke, from which there was no recovery. When my father and I arrived at the hospital, her spirit had left, and her body was an empty shell.
The angels I had “seen” Friday night were there to bring her over.
I am inspired by faith. I have to be. I know that whatever lessons she had to learn in this lifetime, she learned them, and it was her time to move on.
Thankfully, she did not suffer much, or for long.
I feel her spirit with me, and it helps.
I love you, Mom.
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